I'm finally back----

I have no idea what happened....

Melt my withering heart

I have to start off by saying that these past few weeks have been very difficult for me.  I know it is because I am really trying to focus on my relationship with Christ, which in turn makes Satan jealous...so he attacks harder. 

Last Friday while at the Wee Runs consignment sale, I was sitting in the floor with my aunt sorting clothes.  We were talking about Miracle and she over heard our conversation.  She had a friend with her who I started talking to and she is a labor/delivery nurse in Lexington.  The other woman was a speech teacher in Davidson County.  After talking to her she wanted to have her Sunday school class pray for us...yes!  We were all teary eyed about the conversation that we had. 

Yesterday, I got our quarterly update from Bethany.  It mentioned the they placed 21 infants last year, over half were transrationl, birthparent pass through expenses averaged $1,837, many open adoptions, and lots had to have TPR (terminated parental rights)extra court cases because of unsure birthfathers.So needless to say, we have be seen a little down lately.

Mehya (a special friend mentioned way back) who is adopted with special needs from Korea is now in the third grade.  I rarely see her now and I passed her in the hallway.  I just said "hi, Mehya"

This is how my heart melted:

She stopped to ask:  "you got your baby yet?"
Me~ "no-remeber that it is growing in my heart".
Mehya~ "can I feel it?") 
Me~I put her hand on my heart.
Mehya~"It's growing in your heart?"
Me~Yes.
Meyha~"It takes a long time?"
Me~"oh yes, a very long time."
Mehya~"that's not good"
Me~"yea, all we can do is pray."
Mehya~squatted in the hallway, folded her hands and said "oh that baby is so darling"

Oh. My. Word.

Tears were straming down my face, and when I was able I went to her mom's room to share that little story.  Thank you so much Mehya for making my day. Hopefully it won't take much longer. 

Christmas 2012

We are so blessed! 

Here are "Miracle's" gifts from the families this year.

One Year

Today is the anniversary of us starting our adoption paperwork!!  It was on this day last year that we mailed off our preliminary packet to be initially approved for adoption through Bethany.  What a year we have been through.  So much has happened, both good and bad.  If I had to pick a top in both category it would be: 1-GOOD.  We are so much stronger and we both feel that we are being prepared for things to come.  God has stretched, molded, flattened, filled up our hearts this past year and we are headed to the mountaintop!  1-BAD. We haven't been selected by a birth parent yet.

As the new Third Day song says: "I need a miracle" 

3/5 of FAITH is WAIT

Another part of our story, who knows what chapter we are on:

Back on the 13th, we got a message on our web portal about a potential birthparent placement that they were asking waiting families to pray about and consider if we wanted to be shown to this couple.  It caught my eye because they don't let us know about being shown to a couple.  As I read the case, I was taken back as I noted each sentence and planted it into my heart.  Out of respect, I won't go into a lot of details, but basically the first paragraph was the "ideal" baby.  Two parents who were supportive of adoption, healthy, under prenatal care, no drug/alcohol/tobacco use, a girl :), Caucasian....I could go on. Oh, and she is due at the end of January! When I read the second paragraph, that is where the case got interesting.  Apparently their was going to be a big sum of birthparent pass through expenses...about $20,000.  WOW~and this would be in addition to the amount already due at placement.  Cha-Ching.  I mean, CHA-CHING!  Such a blow.  They were asking us (waiting faimilies) to prayerfully consider if we want to be shown to this couple and to let our case worker know by 11/26.  Ty and I discussed it and we were so torn because we wanted to go for it, but the dollar signs are soemthing that we don't have.  I don't even know who has that kind of cash.  (If you do, please consider helping me out!)

After much prayer and even getting some prayer warriors involved, we wanted to go for it, and I really bad.  I understood Ty's point because he said that he didn't want to go in debt, but I just couldn't think about passing up this "free" to at least go for it mind set.  If we weren't selected, then that would be a closed door for sure. You see, we are children of God and serve a mighty, powerful Father who can move mountains and make miracles happen.  Over the weekend we had prayerfully decided to go for this couple and have our profile book shown. 

I didn't get a chance to call my Social Worker until the 21st.  I emailed and sent a message to her on our portal and it kicked a message to me saying that she was out of town for Thanksgiving.  Strike One.  Then I called the Charlotte office and nobody answered so I left a message.  Strike Two.  A little while later, the precious adoption counselor called me and I loved our conversation.  She said that this is part of the journey and H-U-G-E leaps of faith.  Sometimes she said that you just have to jump.  We were told that we couldn't ask any questions...but we did talk further about the case and she said that the BM was out of a different branch and that they didn't have a lot of profiles to show because of the extra money involved.  That gave us a great hope.  The counselor also said that it is possible that the cost wouldn't be that high if she was able to get things worked out.  Was that a sign that God had already provided for us?  She said that she would call the branch right now, done. 

Over the remainder of the week, we were hopeful, scared, excited, and nervous.  I would be lying if I said that I didn't look up how many weeks the BM was, thinking about "pink" things, and finally getting to say that we were placed.  Also, she would get to wear my cousin Alli's hand-me-downs, and mom is set on the fact that she is going to have one of each grandchild.  (Remember that my brother and his wife are due in May~and we all think that it is a boy.)  It is a really freaky feeling to know that someone was going to be digging into our lives and deciding if we were "perfect" to them to raise their child.  On Monday, I got some text messages curious to know if we had heard anything.  I love my prayer warriors/family/friends. 

I always keep my cell phone on my desk this year, you know, just in case.  I checked my phone after lunch today and I saw that I had a message on my portal.  I read that the BM looked at profiles yesterday and selected an adoptive couple, and they had already been notified.  Reject, defeat, disappointment, sad.  However, I had 22 first graders who need me to be on my toes and teach them to the best of my ability.  One sweetheart waved her hand in front of me shortly after I read the message, because I was staring into space.  Focus, Molli.  I made it to the end of the day, and I was so proud because I haven't shed ONE tear!  Yay, me.  I called Ty and messaged a few family/friends.  I love their kind words of encouragement.  I stayed at school tonight until 6:10 and that helped too, I think.  Ty and I went out to dinner and we talked about how we were sad, but yet glad to not have to get a loan for the pass through expenses. 

As I have been taught:  "God is either protecting you, or saving you for something better."  I love my mom. 

Maybe this chapter is turning into its own novel, sorry. 

Mom called and said "we didn't nickname this baby Miracle for nothing" and I totally agree. That made me totally smile from ear to ear. We have to keep waiting on our Miracle to come from above.  We have already waited eight years, officially in adoption world for almost a year, and we will continually wait and be so forever grateful for His blessing to our family. 

God's little whispers of HOPE~

I wanted to let everyone know that you should clean your ears as often as you can.  God will whisper things in your ear and tug at your heartstrings, which is what has happened lately.

We are just praying and waiting for birthparent selection.

A few weeks ago, we went to Louisville, KY for our nephew's wedding that was absolutely remarkable.  It was by far the most spiritual wedding that I have ever been apart of.  During their slide show one of the verses was whispered as a reminder of hope, because it is our adoption verse.  Ephesians 3:20~it's on the cover of our profile book!  Just a little touch of how our journey although on hold is still in the works.

Last weekend I had a girls day at the Holiday Market and one of the booths we passed was for Caroline's Promise.  They were selling earrings and bags and I wanted to stop and talk with them, but they were busy.  That was my first little whisper to remind me that they have grants out there for adoptive couples, once their home study is complete.  Caroline's Promise is a Christian organization in Kernersville actually that gives $3,000 grants to Christian couples adopting domestically in NC/SC.  So here we go with more paperwork, but hopefully it will be worth it. 

The third whisper came last night at a concert at my church.  The second band was called "The Sounds of Daniel Bashta" and his first song was good.  I got up to go to the bathroom before the second song started.  Bad mistake, or Satan one.  We were sitting in the balcony and when I was getting ready to open the door, I heard the lead singer talking.  I didn't want to disrupt by opening the door so I just stood in the doorway and listened as best as I could.  What I missed was his testimony about their adoption journey which led to the song "Like a Lion."  I only heard bits and pieces and when I sat back down, my friend was saying how cool that was, but that was all she said.  After the amazing City Harmonic concert I came home and began investigating about writing the lyrics of a song.  I found out they did a domestic adoption and now they are partnering with Bethany Christian Services (our agency).  Then after further research, I found his wife's blog post and it totally moved me!  I also found Project Gift  through  Christian Post Article.  To me, this is a call and a cry out to promote the adoption plan for children in the US.  Please download their song and think about making a donation.  As I was home today from work, I decided to send the lead singer a private message on Facebook about last night and how it touched me.  I hope that he will write me back!

My sister-in-law also messaged me today and said that she dreamed that "I was holding a baby ya'll just adopted and we were standing next to you congratulating us."  She said that she couldn't tell when it was...but it was a sign from above.  YAY!

Love whispers from the Great Planner!

So MUCH!

I am SO behind on posting on the blog, and I hate that because so much has gone on in the past month! 

First of all, on September 17th we got a very important letter from Bethany~!  It was an approval letter saying that our home assessment had been approved and processed with the state director.  In the letter it also mentioned that we are ready for the next step in our journey, birthparent selection :) and then hopefully placement!  Just when we couldn't be any happier as we read the letter...the last sentence said that we have a bill of $3,500 due to cover the home study assessment.  Man, so much of a business transaction process. 

Next, we had dinner with friends of ours who are also adopting through Bethany.  They are a super sweet couple who are just behind us in the adoption journey.  It is so awesome to have another couple who are feeling the same feelings, going through the same frustations and emotions.  Not to mention the excitement and fun as we long to complete our families. 

Back tracking again, my "unofficial" grandmother also passed away from cancer.  She was SO close to me and meant a lot to our family.  It is my uncle's mother.  People may think how can she be like my grandmother?  Well, our family is extremly close and she would come to all of our family functions.  Just a few days before she died, she told my aunt something that I will always treasure...She said that "when I get to heaven, I am going to ask God to send a baby miracle our way."  Really, how priceless!  I know she is sticking to her plan every day up there! 

I also mailed our profile books to the three agencies: Arden, Charlotte, and Raleigh.  As I waited in line at the post office, I prayed over these books, and for the hands that would hold them and choose an adoption plan for their child. 

Lastly, on Wednesday of this past week I got an email saying that we can read over our home assessment and make any changes necessary.  I read that 18 page monster the next day, made the changes, and clicked submit.  On our portal, we found out that everything is good to go and ready for showing! 

So now, as people ask "Have you heard anything?" we can officially say that we are "waiting on God to bring us together with a birthparent."

As always, prayers are appreciated as we await our miracle!